Somehow

Somehow, the words I say, seem to be always misunderstood...this is starting to bother me. Maybe I am just too much of a dramatic person, or maybe i worry for people...but when someone tells me they want to kill themselves I am going to take it seriously, my friends do not like that..and tell me that I need to keep it quiet, that they will figure it out..it will all be ok... I am stuck..atleast it feels that way currently, and you know..I am going to be reading Gods word, and getting into it seeing because Gods word says if we lack wisdom ASK ....and when we ask we recieve praise the lord....
        I am just overwhelmed I guess...I am not wise enough to help people out..that's what i feel like these days...my birthday is sunday

yeah im mad

Ok,
So I am going to point something out that maybe I just want to talk about because im frustrated beyond belief right now, or maybe I just want to talk about it...
 IF YOU ARE GOING TO ASK A FRIEND FOR ACCOUNTABILITY, AND YOU make them miss out on something fun so that you don't do something dumb...then that friend falls asleep wakes up and CATCHES YOU DOING SOMETHING DUMB...dont be surprised when they call you out on that thing, and they call you out on doing the right thing when you arent doing the right thing...
 I really...wow I want to blow up right now,  dont understand why and how people can be so stupid.. Don't talk to me about wanting to go into ministry when you are flipping sleeping in bed with another person....
hreghGHGFHakmfbhguewiqkdnbfhuikmsbh....those are my angry words that  I dont know how to deal with *Sigh*
Whatever...it doesn't matter because the rest of my day is going to be awesome...I am going to go surprise my mom for thanksgiving, and I am so excited for that :) ..... I am trying to listen to music that doesnt make me angry so i dont kill anyone :) ....Ok i wouldnt really kill anyone but i would make unwise choices so i probably shouldnt do that .....
..................Where are my friends when I need them -_- ...... I do not want to make choices that will really do me no good
*Sigh* its fine i will get over it
...Im going to go listen to some angry music now and let things go :)

The gospel

Was reminded of how important the gospel was this morning, Well, i guess it was more of a challange to remember just how important the gospel is, but it really is important and so often, I am bound to forget this..My heart does wonder just like that wonderful hymm says...Lord bound my wandering heart to you <3 ...I really am so sad sometimes that I forget or dont think about how wonderful the gospel is, and I realize thats why so often we fall short of what we know we love, we know we can do.. Because we dont love and thank the Lord for what He has done for us, we dont think that the gospel is anything of any importance anymore. Yes Yes, we think that the gospel is important because well thats how we got saved, but now how is it applicable to our lives right now? as we are walking, as we our living our Christian lives?
   The thing is the gospel IS part of our everydays...Its a daily reminder of how thankful I need to be for the God I have, the one who gave up everything. the fact that I KNOW I cannot do anything to either make the Lord love me more, or less...and I am so thankful for this at times, and yet at other times utterly frustrated..because I DO want to make God love me more sometimes, now that is just my foolishness getting in there, but wither or not its right...Its true..
I am so thankful for the fact we have reminders in our lives, that we can be off the track for a little bit and then we are reminded and God is like doop doop doop get back up there little buddy. I love that He doesn't let us go too far...and we have reminders, people who let us know whats going down, and then we are back up back moving...thank you for that Lord :)

o_0

Man,
This time in Maine has been continually intense, I know i havent written much, as i dont have a lap top with me currently, so it's a little difficult to make it happen at the moment. God has been so good to me though, and I really enjoy that. My friend Bekah's mom passed away on Halloween. while sad for us, a praise also because she is no longer hurting and she is with her savior..and that is an amazing thing all together.
    I really am enjoying being in Maine, While difficult, and at time frustrating I know God is going to do amazing things. I met a really cool girl named Amberlyn, and we are getting close! It's exciting to see what God is going to do in her life.
  We are not able to stay in the apartment that we are in now, so we are actually going to end up living with Amberlyn, which is really cool because we really get along together well, and bekah obviously gets along with her well because they have been friends longer then we have....lol
  I am going home to surprise my mom for thanksgiving and that is an amazing thing ....I am really excited to go home and see elijah, and see everyone..
          The new church that I have, is really awesome .....I love the pastor, and I love what God is doing. It's really hard for me to open up to people, but i know that God has something amazing planned and that it will work out :)
.......
 Im tired, and hungry all at the same time..I know you are glad to know it

life&death

its interesting how these two are so alike and so different.... I am living with my friend right now. her name is bekah and her mom is dying of lung cancer...at this very moment they arent even sure if she is going to make it through the night...I don't know what to do with myself because i dont think that i can handle being away, but going and being there is an even more scary thought to me...I know it is what i should be doing so i am going to go..and i am going to be with my friend regardless if she wants me right there with her or not..it needs to happen and i understand that..God is really laying it on my heart to be there with her and right now it sucks not being there...
   I am truthfully not sure why I am here, and why i have been here,...i am not sure whats going to happen when the mom dies and bekah and i dont have a place to live right away...I came to maine thinking God has me here to stay..but truthfully everything but being here with bekah has fallen apart so fast...my job, my test..being here having a place to live...when her mom dies bekah can no longer live in the house, and this is a scary thing for her i know it is....I feel so selfish, and think people think i am so selfish for thinking about these things but...its naturally going through my mind, and i cant just let it sit there...or i will go insane...
 so if i am selfish im sorry

Help me

I start work soon, I am not sure when...but I know it will probably be this next week, and I am so nervous, and excited all at the same time!! I know my facebook, and my other things say that I am a christian, I am a youth leader and I want to live up to that when I am working... It is such a hard thing to think about but I am excited to uphold it!

life

What a wonderful day I have had...man it has been so awesome just seeing what God has done in my friends and just seeing the way He has blessed me..it was very very cool to be able to get my hair cut before I go to Canada, and cool to go to the movies and enjoy some time with friends and it's been very wonderful to spend time w/ my friend matthew..lol that kid is so funny and I am so thankful for him..I am so excited for Canada, but sad to be saying goodbye to people for a while ... I really really..thankful for youth group, and the fact that i get to be there tomorrow. It's my last youth group with the kids and wow....I have seen these kids grow, and change..and I guess i cannot say kids any more. they are young adults...and God is teaching them so much and WOW is it ever cool to be able to see this ...
       Oh man I am watching the vampire diaries and it is killing me...I want to watch it all the time and I just can't stop..such a horrible beautiful story ...*shrugs* ...
   ANYWAY ...I am tired and...yeah just tired lol need to sleep but will i? eh probably not..just put some bleach in my hair that didnt work very well and it makes me so mad that it didnt but OoooOoH wells...