Happy New Year!!

My dear friend and I!

More on erlier

2 of my friends died in  a car accident. .....the 21st a friend died...and then earlier...another friend died...*shrugs* the truth is its so hard to say goodbye..I loved them all and they are gone and that is so hard......
     I am watching a movie called My Fake Fiance, and it is so wonderful. it makes me want to get married and become a mother right now...It makes me smile, and laugh and cry..all when i need to and i never thought it was going to happen...lol
 Lord...I am so thankful for everything you have done for me..and I am thankful that i can trust you with everything even the hard times..<3 I ask right now Lord that you just keep my heart close to you Lord and that you put it back together because i hurt so badly Lord....
 

I am really REALLY sick of saying goodbye....

I am just so sick of saying goodbye to friends..to people i knew..to people i cared for...because of death I HATE IT....So many lately..and it's really hard to deal w/ sometimes....

its that time

 

I <3 being bored...

I think i might be able...

sorry..the title has nothing to do with my writing..but i was listening to LMFAO so i thought it would make an alright title for this thing...lets see...

I have 430$ for my missions trip to Quebec. with a promise of....50$ more which would be exciting putting me at almost 500......man oh man that is some exciting stuff! and i need the rest of the money by April. I am not worried about that honestly..I do go back to school on the 2nd and then I am there until Feb which takes away some time to raise support..but I know that the Lord has it all under control so i am not to worried...
   Wow..the new year is coming soon!!! it seems so amazing to me..I can still remember last year and everything that's happened this year has been so different and I am thankful..because that's what i wanted it to be..but man it's so odd... my mind and my emotions have been going so crazy..not exactly sure whats going on but I know the Lord has it all settled..i think its hormones LOL stupid stupid things..why do i think i can follow them?! *shrug*

 ....so...to be honest i have no new years resolutions or things as such..because really they mean nothing to me...I make promises to God..and i suck at that...but I know the Lord will keep me so i am not to worried about it...

<3

Change up

I have decided to change my blog up a little bit...make it a little more like me ;) hopefully you will be able to read it !!

Today I found out my friend Zac was in a car accident...now..Zac is one of my best friends in the world. I love him more then...probably anyone..*shakes head* I didn't know how he was for a while..He lives in Maine, and of course I am in NY and so i was so frightened...it didn't help that last night I had a dream i put the tshirts i made for my friends on one friends caskett at their funeral...so you can imagine my mind went right back to that...*Shakes head* PRAISE  THE LORD He is ok....I text him saying "please be ok" and He text me back a little while back saying "I am ok" ugh..my heart...started beating again I think..

Zac is the first one sitting on the couch. looking away from the camera lol <3 man i love him..and I am just so thankful that He is ok..I really don't know what I would have done if He was so hurt..
ANYWAY...

This is why I say how much I love my friends all the time because YOU NEVER KNOW what's going to happen..you never know when you are going to have to say goodbye, or ...see you later as this would be. Just remember to thank the Lord for your friends because you never know....

<3

In other news...I am 853 word into a 1500 word paper...praise the LORD i am almost done but i have to figure out what else to write..it gets a little difficult without the correct books..i will look more when I get to school but right now this is all i have ...(which i suppose will work) B-U-T ANYWAY..I go back to school the 2nd and oh my goodness I cannot wait.... *Sigh*

<3

Today was the first time I really started thinking about the fact that in Feb I will no longer be a student of Word of life bible institute..that was a scary thought for me. It is hard for me to think that!! I have made so many good friends w/ the people who work there and the people who go there...that I am a little bit...ok a lot bit scared to leave >_<.....I really...am *shrugs* mi madre thinks I am going to screw up really badly..and that truthfully doesn't help me want to leave any more then...I already do..but *Shrugs* I know that God does all things for a reason and that I KNOW if I allow him first in my life that I will be able to handle anything that comes my way..so I am going to start trying to find a job so that I can get some money and then hopefully..go to Quebec...and then come back and be able to live my life..not be stuck in my madre and padre's house..because honestly I dont know how much longer I can handle it...There is one week until I go back to school...and there is a lot going on in my mind and in my heart..and I am thankful for friends who give me a lot to think about..and how I am acting..changes things..in people's lives.....
             I am currently...dealing with an issue....with a friend that i like more then "friends" WELL let me tell you ..one of my friends(ALL of them are amazing) but one in particular..just understands and He is being super helpful just giving me truth and helping me understand things better and today he was talking about the fact that being friends is a choice..as is love..and that if you really love someone and you really..want to be a good friend you choose whats best for them..not whats best for you..and your emotions..as much as you may want that something to turn into more..that's not what it's about.it's about loving the Lord and loving them, and helping them grow closer to the Lord..
       It is a sacrifice..and you have to ask yourself if you are willing to make it...maybe they will realize you are who God has for them...or maybe...just maybe you will be good friends for the rest of your lives and they will never know..whatever happens..the wonderful thing is that The Lord has it all under control...and we don't... :) 
 W-O-W what a little rambler I have become *Shrugs* Oh well..that is ok i suppose..we all have to ramble once in a while..unless your me and then all the time ;)  

Let me tell you a story...

About a wonderful night!! A night i will not forget for a very long time!!

the night of the Silver bullet! That night we spent a long time deciding who to kill

we chose Ben...^_^
That Night we drank....(sparkling grace juice OF COURSE) ....and had a wonderful time getting to know eachother in our...odd characters :)!!!

 After we had this wonderful time when we got back to the house...we watched some starwars and they threw me a birthday party <3 oh man..what a lovely time we had.....I MISS YOU GUYS

Merry Christmas!

I know I know...

It's a bit early (a day) lol but still..we should be celebrating Christmas EVERYDAY not..

just one day where the whole world does...(ok not the whole world) BUT

The point is...we should be praising the Lord that we have a God who is ruling and knows

everything and cannot fail us :) <3

Poem

Friends::

Fading quickly i asked the Lord to give me friends
My heart was breaking, and i wanted it to mend
Lord i cannot do this alone i said crying out loud
There were thoughts of doubt,hate,death what a cloud

Then one day in a circumstance full of strife
You all showed up. One by one filling my life
Words of encouragement when i felt so glum
All i really needed was someone to call chum

The truth of God's word is on your lips
You bring back the light when i make an eclipse
I fight the truth and go for lies
You help me untie the chains and cut the ties

You may never know how much you mean to me
Although through the years I hope you see
I cling to His word and his truth so tight
All because you helped me win this fight 

 I wrote this poem for my friends who never let go..even if I wanted them to..you know who you are and I  really hope you realize how much you mean to me..I am going to..when I get the pictures back from a friend edit a picture so the poem is on the picture..and it is going to be wonderful and then hopefully i will be able to print them out and make them able to have it..and maybe even frame it..I am not sure but that is my plan for right now....
I have realized just how thankful i should be...that my friends are such amazing people ..never letting go and that I need to cling to them just as tight. they give me truth from Gods word and smack me in the kidney so to speak when i need it....:) i love them and thank the Lord for them... <3

so many losses

as of late there has been such a huge loss of life..Lord i don't know what's going on but I am so thankful you do. it scares me sometimes to think who could be next..it is however wonderful to know i can trust him even though its scary...

           I am so thankful for my friends...i made a picture this morning because i just..wanted them to know how much

Home [[sweet?]] Home

Back from Maine
Those are a couple of examples of the fun we had! Hopefully soon we will have the ones from the dinner thearter up!
I loved Maine so much...God blessed me more then probably many will know! The family was sweet, loving and kind..they made us feel like we were part of their family. never felt weird being there one moment!! <3 they went out of their way to make us feel happy there and i really appreciate them! Their pastor was WONDERFUL as well! WOW I have not met a man like their pastor in quite some time. if ever for that matter...I told him about Quebec and he started crying because his father went there to go learn french. he told me he was going to help me and i was so...blessed wow!!! It was wonderful spending times with friends and we had an awesome praise time last night..coming home was good..a little awkward but good lol.....
I wish i could say i am happier to be home lol but i had so much fun..when i see my nephew i will be able to say i am so happy to be home but .until then ;) LOL! 


 in sad news..i came home to find that a teen i knew well died this morning..you never know whats going to happen...Lord ..i trust you with this pain!

hmmm

i officially know no hyms all the way *sigh* fail for me..lol

We have everything

Quiet time today is super good!! listening to one true God by Mark Harris and reading about the fact that we have such a great salvation because of what the Lord has done for us is so cool! It's so true. we have everything we need for life and godliness because he sacraficed himself on that cross for us! Praise the Lord he did...we wouldn't be in a very good place if He didn't eh?...

goodbye friend

Lord, thank you for allowing me to know this girl...her amazing love for you and the way she loved others. It will be hard for us to go on without her..but Lord she is with you..and there is nothing better then that! YOU PROMISE that you are with us always..and your plans for us are good..so i choose to believe it..as much as it hurts...
R.I.P Nancy ...
<3

concrete angel

God is so good!! I am going to give a presentation about me raising support for Quebec next week and I Am SCARED...but excited at the same time! the Lord has given me the chance to do it so  I am going to get up there and share my excitement about what God is going to do...and what He is doing through others in Quebec.
 tomorrow my friend is coming to hang out! Which is super exciting to me because i HATE being here by myself..it really is boring and i cant ....deal with it sometimes..i just NEED to be with people sometimes you know? *Sigh* praise the Lord she will be here :) Today was wonderful! I spent it with Marian..who is the most wonderful lady i know..she is always loving always caring and will never judge you..man i want to be like her!!!!
   My birthday is on Friday who wants to hang?!?! Lol <3

thankful

I am super thankful for my friends ...God is so good I had a really good skype conversation with one of my friends! We haven't been able to talk in a really long time...and praise the Lord when we talked it was just so amazing....God really convicts me everytime we talk...and i am just so thankful for her friendship..... thank you Lord. God you are so good......
         I am watching Yu Yu Hakisho right now and its been wonderful. i was doing dishes and singing and dancing so its been a pretty bleck kinda day lol...i am tired....but Matthew is calling me soon but i would rather sleep..lol