Memorial weekend

Well...it's been a crazy weekend that's for sure, and one i wont soon forget....Yesterday I went to lunch w/ my grandpa and his girlfriend, and my parents..then we went to my aunt and uncles to celebrate my mom and grandpas birthday. that was great. we really enjoyed it. Then we went to my grandmas and had dinner with my aunt and uncle and gramma. it was a good time, we went home late...and this morning i got up early to go to my grandpas flag dropping...ceremony i guess you would call it..It was put up one day then now 6months later done. my grandpas flag was in the middle..there was 3 and his wouldnt come down..ti was so funny to me that it wouldnt come down....i was laughing because thats the way my grandfather was He never did anything the easy way and he let it all go crazy...so it was a bit like him that it wouldnt come down :) I also watched the parade which was short but it was fun to watch. I hadn't been to main street in Lake placid for a while so it was good. After that I went to my grandmas and hung out a little bit, then took a much needed nap. when i woke up it was dinner time and we had burgers and just relaxed. I was able to talk to my gram and my aunt and uncle about what id be doing in Canada and how i wanted to live there and just ya know the excitment of it all..so it was cool to see the Lord just..using me to talk to them....
            I am tired and Elijah has put my mom to sleep so i should probably hold on to him :)

Counseling

Well..Looks like unless something weird/crazy happens..I will be going to counseling soon..which is good I would really..idk i mean want to def isn't the word but i know i need to..and that's the important thing! So i am going to call this person and see the soonest time that I can go in, and that I can talk to them...we shall see <3

the truth..sliced open

 So...i have been fighting it for a long time..but I think I am going to go to a counselor. I have talked to my friend Jenn about this multiple times and as much as it sucks and i wish i didn't have to...i feel as though now is the time that I need to figure things out in my life...I don't want to be stuck in self injury and i don't want to be stuck living a scared life filled with ....nervous...hatred of it..so I am excited to see this go forward if it can...and I really do want help...my friend doesn't think that I do and its hard because out of all the things in my life I really want to be closer to the Lord, I want to be more like the Lord then anything and it really sucks when I am being told I don't...
     So I emailed a NANC certified guy, and we shall see what happens. it's a long shot of course because I...don't live in Vermont, and I would probably never have a ride to vermont but...i know He is the only NANC certified person even a little close to me..so I am not sure what else to do about it..in my church they dont know what to do, so why even...*Shrugs* ugh anyway ...im re thinking a lot of things lately and thats hard to say but I am so we will see what happens ...

Early Morning...been awake for more then an hour....*shakes head* lol this boy is very much....crazy this a.m He is in a good enough mood but he is ready to just get going ya know? hmm...Today=1month b4 I go to Canada...I cannot believe the time is going by so fast...seriously...guys I will be in Canada in 1 month from now..I am freaking out a little bit inside...crazy to think..
 Man the Lord has supplied everything so wonderfully...*Shakes head* It is so amazing to me..isn't it crazy that I cannot believe the Lord sometimes heh..... The Lord has been so good to me and so often I still wonder if he is going to answer me when I pray..why when I know that He is so faithful... :) 
          I am excited to go to prayer tonight...It will be nice to get away from the house and all the responsibility if even for a little bit! Matthew is bringing me a present from my friend Kendra. she brought it for me from Canada...so whatever it is..is the most exciting thing it could be XD especially 1 month from Canada day (this is my official holiday) LOL 
   ANyWAY ....I better get back to Elijah before he lights something on fire...lol jk..He is sitting in his bouncer..currently ;) 

traitor?

I feel like a traitor lol..i Have not written on this blog in a while..I have a new one...and actually i havent written in that one in about a week maybe? ...idk but anyway...I am back and sorry for...ignoring you all (LOL) those who read this...all what 3 fo u? ANYWAY lol
 Life has been stressful lately, but honestly when isn't it...I find myself always tired and very discouraged. i have a hard time w/ my parents and my attitude has been so different lately...I HATE IT and I realize I am probably..no def trying to do it on my own without God. I have my nephew a LOT and I just....am so stressed with it sometimes. I am not a mom ya know? But I am being put in the roll as a mom and it's HARD ..props to young moms w/ no bf or husbands because dag I am..losing steam fast...it takes everything I have to make it through one day at a time..i love him i do but it is stressful dealing w/ a 9month old...
      I took my 5hr course this last saturday which was good! I didn't exactly enjoy it but when it was over i realized it was worth it because i learned more then I knew b4  :)
..WELL Elijah just fell asleep so i am going to take a nap so i can be awake and joyful like him ;)